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Here, let me find my list…Lesbian Dating FUCT: The first rule of lesbian dating is you do not talk about lesbian dating. If she resembles Bad Willow in her profile photo, remember, it doesn’t matter how much you love bad Willow, anyone who looks like that is either time traveling from 1999 or works at American Apparel. (Not that I’ve been there or anything.)If her cat hates you, you’re screwed. If it’s been two months and you’re still only talking about sex, run.
If she doesn’t have a profile picture — do you even need me to finish this sentence? Saying you’re “not emotionally ready” functions as foreplay.
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These rules will make your life better and happier — and make dating a lot less crazy!I’ve polled a group of Lesbian Dating Experts (Read: random Facebook friends) to create a comprehensive — rather than a FAQ let’s call it a FUCT (Frequent Unfortunate and Confusing Truisms)**Note to Grumpy Lesbians: I’m certain many of you do not fit these stereotypes (No, I’m not.). She’ll text you “I want you to do me in the bathroom,” but she’ll offer her cheek when you go to kiss her goodnight. If she says “No one could ever really love me,” for God sake believe her. She says, “I want it to be special; let’s wait.” She means “I have intimacy issues.”She says “I just want to hold you.” She means “I’m actually straight.”If she says she likes sex because it “I don’t know, just…feels good,” run.If for example, you’re a butch who makes the first move, please don’t write me glowering comments; I can think of a much better use for your time. If her Okcupid profile says she has a great sense of humor, she doesn’t. If she says she has “abandonment issues,” what she means is she will hide your car keys. If you shake her off she will fall to her knees in the driveway weeping. If she says she likes sex because it’s an effective means toward building an emotional connection, run.Being thoughtful means you’ve spent time looking back on your life and at what worked and what didn’t in your relationships.